What should I be for Halloween?

Dear God, WEAR A COSTUME! 

Halloween is a chance for prude, boring girls to dress up like sluts.  But as escorts, we're pros!  We know how to work sexy outfits.  For once, the public gets to appreciate why we're so amazing.

I can always spot an escort at a costume party.  She's NOT the one surrounded by her girlfriends, giggling like a hyena, surreptitiously sniffing her armpits for B.O.

She's the one surrounded by all the boyfriends.  She sweats confidence. She's got a cellphone holstered in her garter belt. (you never know, clients get lonely on holidays)

Here are the top 10 sexy, (and ironic) costumes an escort should wear on Halloween. 

1. BEAVER
It's cute, and ours pays the bills.

    2. PIMP
    Work like a boss, play like a boss.

3. JAIL BAIT
Here's to not hoping.












4. COP 
When you can't beat em, join em.

         5. GEISHA
         In Japan, the escort is adored.















6. GANGSTA 
We got bills and skills.











 7. GOLD DIGGER 
 At least we're honest about it.








8. COUGAR
Mature escorts are wise and sexy.


 

9. DEVIL
Your girlfriend's nickname for us.

 10. DELIVERY
 The best things cum to your door.

xoxo
Chastity B.


ps. Look out for me in LA, here's what I'll be wearing : )

What's the #1 Piece of Advice for an Escort?

Simple. It's just one word. (and a number)

Kall8.  www.kall8.com.
No joke, this thing will add at least 100k a year to your business.  Everyone who already has it is going to be super pissed I'm spilling the beans.

Haven't heard of Kall8?  I bet your agency has.  Are you sick of digging in your purse for six different cell phones, or burning your corneas out staring at the computer screen and waiting for google voice texts to come through?

You should be out and about, sipping a latte, enjoying the smog and traffic and Occupy Wall Street Peeps, with ONE phone in your Prada bag.

Here's why I love kall8.

-You can assign 20+ numbers to one single phone.  Guard this phone with your life, mind you.

-You can pick the numbers yourself.  It's a fact that clients prefer hot girls who also have easy to remember digits.

-You can name the numbers "Tiffany" or "Jenny" so you know which ad is being called.  No more guessing about whether you are supposed to be a blonde.

-You can analyze whether "Tiffany" or "Jenny" gets more phone calls.  This way if Tiffany is under-performing, she can quickly be voted off the island.

-You can record all phone conversations automatically.  Try not to panic if your Minnie Mouse voice isn't as cute as initially imagined.

-You can view the entire incoming call history, going back for years.  No more racing off the toilet seat to pick up the phone and hear someone breathing hard.

xo
Chastity

ps. I forgot the best part about Kall8, the automatic phone line trace.  It's the perfect built-in screening tool for escorts!

Thanks to the internet, you can now stalk anyone right from your very own home.

I need Louis Vuitton more than air. Can I Have a Wishlist?

If you have your own escort website, and you want to acquire some cool stuff, why the heck not?


What is a wishlist?
Think of an adult version of those notes taped to the mantelpiece for Santa. You can even hyperlink the goodies for easy online access.

What should be on my wishlist?
Presents that range in prices, to fit many budgets. Old stand-byes are lingerie, flowers, chocolate and massages. (Not the happy-ending kind this time.) If you are still jonesing for that Prada Satchel, go ahead and put it down. But stay away from too many high ticket-items, focus on the small stuff. An Audi R8 might be pushing it.  (Speaking of R8's, please see my wishlist below)


How long should my wishlist be?
No more than 10 items. Too many, you look like Miss. Piggy.

Tip #1 - Be specific.  If you just put "sexy underwear" you might be embarrassed later, trying to return some florescent yellow, crotchless, "scratch-n/sniff" panties.  Say something like "La Perla Thong."

Tip #2 - Don't be too specific.  Asking for "The lighter pink, size small, suede backed, thick-strapped, perforated...etc" reveals you are more high maintenance than the naggiest of girlfriends.

Tip #3 - The wishlist is not the ten commandments. Remember that cash is king, and with it you can always buy anything from your list. 

Tip #4 - Type your birthdate somewhere near the wishlist. (Year is not necessary)  Studies show that birthdays increase probability of Louis Vuitton times three.


xo
Chasity


Chastity's Wishlist

1. Audi R8 (I break my own rules)
2. Louis Vuitton XL Mahina
3. UJENA Diamond Head Bikini
4. Assorted Macarons
5. Godiva Milk Chocolate Box
6. Satin Panty Black-S